Always Together&Always In Love, Even After Death
by SmileyCoolDreamer
Summary: An oprphan,then a grandchild, an orphan again.She was always alone.Mikan was always strong, against pain against emotions,but when she finnaly decides to see civilization again all her defences are taken down one by one, until she has none. NXM RXH
1. Chapter 1: Childhood

**_Of Life and Death _**

**_By Smiley Cool Dreamer _**

**_©2007_**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gakuen Alice **

**Chapter One: Childhood Tuesday August 7th 2007**

**_Sunday May 5th 6:00 pm 1000 BC _**

Mikan Sakura was just born. Her parents were Yuka Azumi and Azuka Sakura.

"Why did I let you swindle me in to having this abomination Azuka?" Yuka cried

"Yuka have you forgotten already. This isn't our child it is our slave…" Azuka whispered in her wife's ear. His voice was cold and chilly enough to turn the deserts into glaciers.

"Yes honey…" Yuka responded in just as seductively icy voice.

"Mikan Sakura will be her name." Azuka followed up.

**_When Mikan was 3… _**

The Sakura house had a dinner party and invited a few families. One family had a daughter named Hotaru; and Mikan never having been outside marveled at seeing another girl her age. That day was one of the best and memorable days she had in her life so far. Mikan and Hotaru quickly became BEST friends. But at the end of the day she had been torn from each other. They were never to see again. Or that's what their parents thought. Hotaru and Mikan's parents thought Mikan was a monster and would hurt Hotaru. But Hotaru knew better… She knew one day they would see again and prove the world wrong.

**_When Mikan was 4… _**

Mikan walked out side and saw birds. She wanted to fly too. But suddenly she really did start to fly. And when she did Mikan stared to scream….The birds suddenly were burnt by fire and fell down. All the villagers gathered gawked. When the show was over when Mikan fell down unconscious, everyone knew she was a Monster an outcast and an Alien. This was the first time her alice had shown it self.

Mikan walked back home after waking up again.

When Mikan got back home it was real bad. "Why do you come back here you monster!!! You're an out cast! What if someone saw you coming in here? You could have tarnished our name, and banished from the city!" From then on Mikan wasn't ever allowed out side again.

A thin, unhealthy, sick, and pale girl walked up to her parents with all her courage and innocently said "Mommy, Daddy? Can I have a present for my birthday?" The girl held her breath.

"You lump of trash!!! You dare ask us for presents? We already feed you and give you food. Isn't that enough you dirty slave? You greedy despicable child!!! And don't you ever call us your parents!!! I don't want such a monstrous child" Yuka yelled in a shrill voice enough to make the lord of hell shiver "Azuka! Take the whip now! I want you to whip her until she dies! I hate this child! Azuka grinned in excitement.

"In your honor my dearest…" He smiled evilly.

"I hate you guys….I wish you would all go away…" Mikan whispered….right before she fell unconscious. Yuka and Azuka just left Mikan there on the cold hard floor and went upstairs to their room to enjoy their night.

Little did Mikan know she just saved a town of lives by starting a fire unconsciously and making the town evacuate.

Every mothers and father was running with their children and necessities to safety. Well almost everyone, everyone except the 'monster child and their parents.' Yuka and Azuka were running for their lives leaving Mikan in the burning house.

Just hours after the town evacuated a huge war took place there. Namely the largest battle in Earths history so far. Swords were clashing, blood and gore everywhere, blood curdling screams. Mikan was just hiding under the rubble that whole time, peeking out to see what was going on. It was a miracle she survived at all as a 4 year old. This time was going to be a nightmare come true to leave a scar in her mind forever. After a week of battling, Mikan fainted, from exhaustion, from hunger, from fear, and from the stench of dead corps. She woke up about a day later only to find disaster. So she buried all the dead men and horses and found food water shelter and lastly a shower to clean her self up.

This was how she lived blind, and death (from massive amounts of sound Mikan lost her hearing). It was a wonder she survived at all through the things she lived through.

The battle was a tie nobody won, nobody lost. The battle between the Alanticians and Japan was a complete loss. They fought until it was a stand off. At that point the last two men stabbed each others hearts and died. Mikan was the only survivor of the war.

**_When Mikan was 7… _**

A trader was passing by. He needed a place to stay after traveling for long hot hours under the summer sun. So he stopped by a lone house surrounded with Sakura trees, rubble and graves. When the traveler knocked on the door a young girl opened it.

"Young girl, May I see your parents?" the trader asked in a polite tone.

"Sorry I don't have parents. I'm the only one who lives here. May I ask you why you come here?" Mikan asked curiously.

"You don't live with parents. Well what a surprise that is! Well my name is Tezuka but you can call me Oji-san. I just wanted some shelter for a night or two." Tezuka continued

"Ok Oji-San. You can come in. And also you can take your horses, wagons, what ever you have and store it in the back of the house and the stables. Oh yea, Welcome!" Mikan blabbed welcomely. Mikan rarely had visitors or rather she never had visitors just because many people said that her house was haunted and stuff. So whenever Mikan had a chance of human company she would take it with out hesitation.

Oji- san instead of staying for a day, stayed for more like a year since he didn't have a family and was a nomad. At least this was what Tezuka told her and she easily believed. Tezuka had grown fond of the girl and found out she had lost hearing and sight. He grew quite fond of the girl. She had so much strength and intelligence. Tezuka and Mikan had so much fun together during the year. Those were the happiest times of Mikan's life. But unfortunately it didn't last. God decided to take away her happiness.

It was that one faithful night that it happened. Mikan said something about death to Tezuka and he died on the spot. Mikan never spoke again after that. She lost her smile and emotions. She became emotionless and deathly silent. It was her second nightmare comes true. Mikan buried the old man in a fancy grave and preyed she would be forgiven. This was the second time her alice had shown it self.

Mikan wore gloves, socks and every thing she could find to cover her self up she would not be seen as this despicable child who killed her own grandfather who cared for her.

After the old man died Mikan had studied everything she could study, music, art, martial arts, ninja arts, weaponry, cooking, and more. And at age 12 Mikan was a genius. She could have been the smartest, fittest, and handiest girl on earth. Only no one ever saw her. That was until 3 years later she left on a journey as an ultimate master with unique and extensive powers and knowledge. But still her control wasn't perfect. It was then that she met…


	2. Chapter 2: Reunions

**_Of Life and Death _**

**_By Smiley Cool Dreamer _**

**_©2007_**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gakuen Alice **

**Chapter 2: Reunions Thursday August 9th 2007**

**_Mikan age 15… _**

Mikan was riding on a black horse, wearing a black pant, turtle neck shirt, cape with a hood, a hat that wrapped her hair and head tight, a half black half white wooden mask with no holes for her eyes (she couldn't see anyways she was blind), she wore black gloves, black boots, and had a holster for black weapons. That's all she carried on her trip. It was too painful to live in her house. She kept having nightmares about the war, the time she killed, and her parents although she would never admit it to a single soul. Mikan was emotionless and deadly now. At age 15 she was even more pretty and intelligent than Mikan at age 12. So Mikan rode day and night for a few days. She didn't know where she was going but she hoped to find happiness. But more than anything she hoped to find her best friend Hotaru and a good family she could join.

'What are you thinking you silly little girl you'll never find anything like that. And in addition to that, your so called friend Hotaru Imai probably forgot about you. It's been like 12 years. How would she remember you? Just remember she doesn't have special powers and skills like you. A monster like you would never fit with a normal person like her.' Mikan's devil side argued  
'Don't listen to that devil! Of course there's hope. I know you'll reach tour goal. There's hope in everything.' Mikan's fairy side yelled back.

Mikan just ignored them just stopped in a middle of a forest and made camp. After all she wasn't in a rush anyways. It wasn't like she had anywhere important to go. Mikan lied down on the bare forest floor. It was winter and all the leaves and poison ivy was gone so she had no worries. But as soon as she lied down she noticed someone else was here. And it was a girl. She was carrying weapons specifically made for assassination. And she knew the sneaky little devil was looking for the prey namely Mikan herself. So Mikan wanting to live another day in her life, charged forward at high speeds and pinned the clueless girl to the tree and let the snow fall on the assassinator. Mikan was not going down with a fight and she was going to find why she had people trying to kill her already when this was the first time out of her house and when she didn't do anything wrong.

"Who are you and why are you trying to assassinate me little girl?" Mikan telepathically said to her.

The reaction from the girl was not surprising. After all how many people in a life time do you meet that can use telepathy? It was totally understandable.

"I am Hotaru Imai and I come to assassinate you because you are a stranger in the territory of the Japanese." Hotaru found her self unable to stop her mouth because of the intense aura of killer intent that engulfed her. To tell the truth Hotaru didn't even expect anyone stronger than her. She ranked number 3 in the whole Japan, number 1 being Natsume and number 2 being Ruka. And they would never be here to attack her. They were the ones who sent out the order and Ruka was her boyfriend and Natsume's best friend. And Natsume was her first cousin.

Mikan almost gasped. Hotaru Imai, her one and only friend? Mikan quickly shot a hand out and pulled her mask off. She scanned her aura and to her surprise it was her. She could 'see' her growth pattern since 3 and it was definitely her. Mikan was so happy. She wanted to shout for joy. But sadly she couldn't. Her words had power. Just then she remembered her emotions had powers too. Mikan immediately calmed herself down and returned to her emotion neutral. She carried Hotaru to her camp and started the fire. Mikan placed Hotaru on a log to sit on and when she knew Hotaru wouldn't bolt. She took off her own mask, hat and hood hoping Hotaru had not forgotten her already. And as soon as she did Hotaru gasped.

"Mikan….?"Hotaru said softly. Hotaru's normally emotionless eyes became big with surprise. Honestly, Hotaru never expected to see her again. 'But what was with those scars all over her face and by her eyes and forehead?' Hotaru waited for Mikan to open her eyes and speak, but nothing happened. Just then Hotaru realized Mikan was blind and unable to speak.

Mikan felt the aura the sound waves and everything. She understood Hotaru just said her name because she felt it. After so many years of training she had senses that were very sharp.

"Hotaru, I'm glad we've finally met again. It was one of my wishes." Mikan spoke with sign language. Mikan's expression was neutral. Hotaru learned sign language for communication because in training to be an assassin you were always to be silent and when you speak it makes do much more noise, therefore you had to learn sign language. And Mikan knew Hotaru understood her because she knew how assassin training went and Mikan knew that Hotaru trained to be an assassin. "Where are you going Hotaru?" Mikan signaled after putting on the attire she took off. "Where ever you are going I wish to come with you. I have no place to go."

"Ok, you may follow me. Just be warned I am going to war. I'm going to help my cousin and my boyfriend fight the war" Hotaru stated as a matter-of-factly. "Oh and I have a lot of questions to ask later. So be ready to answer all of them."

"Yes I agree, we have a lot of catching up to do." Mikan signaled. "But I have a question for you now. What ever happened to my parents and the village?"

"Well what could I say? The village moved and started a new village. A little after she adopted a son named Ruka. Ruka Nogi is also my current boyfriend. When Ruka was 14 he left for war and so did my cousin Natsume. So now I'm leaving for the war. Soon after Ruka left your mother turned in to a trader and left Japan to go to the Mesopotamians. Then your father realized he was being manipulated and he went to find you he never came back. But we did get a letter and he said he found his daughter. We never herd from him again."

"And what year did he leave? May I ask?" Mikan signed

"I think he left around 1006.and the letter came around 1008" Hotaru continued "Why did you need to know this?"

Suddenly Hotaru heard Mikan have a sharp intake of breath. She heard Mikan taking long breaths as if trying to calm down. Then Mikan signaled with her hand to step back. Hotaru did so and that instant a huge wave of air came out from Mikan. She tried to stop it with her barrier Alice. But it didn't completely work and knocked Hotaru backwards. Hotaru fell on her bottom.

Hotaru just gawked at the power. 'I knew that Mikan was strong as soon as I saw her but I didn't know she was this strong.' Hotaru thought to herself in surprise.

"Sorry." Mikan signaled and looked down.

"Mikan what's wrong? And what was that you just did?"

"Let's just say it only a very little portion of my power. And my emotions control it. I haven't completely mastered it yet so yeah…I'll tell you the rest tomorrow." Mikan signaled.

Hotaru just nodded. "Ok let's go. We're going to the camp we'll be staying at for the war…"Hotaru paused "and…don't worry…I'm not afraid of you" Hotaru said this as if she had read Mikan's mind. Then she smiled at her genuinely. The tenseness of the atmosphere immediately released. And even though Hotaru knew Mikan would never be able to see the smile. Hotaru knew she could sense it…


	3. Chapter 3: Surprises

**_Of Life and Death _**

**_By Smiley Cool Dreamer _**

**_©2007 _**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gakuen Alice **

**Chapter 3: Surprises Sunday August 12th 2007**

Hotaru and Mikan were riding to the head war camp on Mikan's black horse with Hotaru steering

**_When they were almost at the camp… _**

****"Hotaru, do me favor. Ok?" Mikan telepathically asked. "Call me Derek when you get there. Don't tell anyone who I am. Don't tell them I really a girl. And just tell them I'm your friend if anyone finds me. I'm going use the total concealment jutsu (technique) so I can check out the camp. Then I'll decide if I'll stay or not."

**_When they arrived the camp…_**

Hotaru arrived on Mikan's Black horse. When she was arriving, everyone stepped aside and bowed. Mikan could tell she was very important figure in the camp. So far Mikan liked it. There was respect as far as she could tell right now. Mikan hopped of the horse with out causing a disturbance. She noticed there was someone with an aura similar to Hotaru's, so she deducted it was Hotaru's cousin. Their line of family all shared the same kind of scary ice aura she guessed. Then there was one more person besides herself and Hotaru, it was probably Ruka, Hotaru's boyfriend. Natsume and Ruka nodded.

"Ok!" Natsume shouted to everyone at his camp "Back to work!"

Natsume, Ruka, and Hotaru walked inside with a following Mikan inside to Natsume's tent.

**_What happened inside Natsume's tent... _**

****"First things first…" Natsume began with a stern voice. "Who's following us Hotaru?"

"How did you know?" Hotaru looked surprised.

"Well he's not the best fighter in Japan for nothing." Ruka answered.

"Come out whoever you are." Natsume continued.

Mikan came out. How this person dressed surprised everyone. 'He' dressed in black and covered himself from head to toe. He was even wearing a mask. That was ½ white ½ black the division line being a little wavy and cut down the middle vertically. (Imagine the colors of the yin yang marble thing but on a wooden mask, a little like the ANBU masks in Naruto.)

"Who are you?"

"Oh, he's my friend. His is Derek. And his clothing, he just likes it that way." Hotaru answered.

"Dinner will be here shortly." Natsume said.

"Everyone go to your tents. Hotaru and Ruka will share one, and Derek and I will share one." Natsume said Derek with a little hostility, and immediately received a glare from Hotaru. 'I'll keep an eye on this new comer' Natsume thought. 'He seems to have unnatural powers…' and with that everyone went their ways.

**_After Ruka and Hotaru left… _**

****"Hey Derek…" Natsume called in a quite deadly voice.

Mikan was startled although she didn't show it. She hadn't 'heard' anyone call her with such hostility in a while so she needed to get used to it.

"How did you hide your self? And stop trying to hide your aura. I can tell you are suppressing it. I want to see who you really are." Natsume continued to say plainly.

Natsume's answer was just some signs. Mikan just used her hands and put it across her neck like she was cutting it. Immediately Natsume knew 'he' was blind. He also knew 'he was also blind because he didn't have holes for his eyes. But beyond that he really didn't know too much about Derek.

Mikan immediately took out a mini notebook and pen and wrote '_Greetings Natsume, as you've probably deducted I'm both blind and unable to speak. But I also want you to know other things that you must tell Ruka too. Yes I am both blind and unable to speak. But I am also deaf. You may be wondering how I hear things. Well let's say that I just sense them. I can also sense air pressure so I know where things are and what words people speak. And I've decided to help you fight the war by the way. Although I can sense hostility towards me, I will help fight the war with my life to make up for my wrongs in the past.' _

Natsume took the paper and read it. This guy had amazingly neat writing Natsume noticed.

"How will you fight if you can't see, hear, or speak?" Natsume questioned in a mocking voice. "You'll probably be the first man dead by crashing into a poll."

_'Don't mock me. I'm probably better than all of you in raw skill. I am sure. You guys don't have to suppress your aura that you have. But if I let mine go things miles around me will die.' Mikan wrote quickly and furiously at the comment but kept her emotions at flat as a paper.'_

"Fine spar me now and don't hold back." Natsume challenged. He hadn't had good fight in a while the spars were always Ruka or Hotaru. Anyone else he'd spared always end up decapitated in a minute or two.

_'Let's go outside. I don't want to destroy your camp.' _

"Ok, well go into the middle of the forest over there." Natsume pointed east. The forest was bare and the snow was like a cloche covering its true identity.

Mikan and Natsume walked through the forest path. The dead under bush was poking at their shoes and being cracked like a lean mean chewing machine.

Mikan and Natsume arrived at the forest clearing. Natsume and Mikan faced each other at opposite ends if the field. Then Natsume hyped up his killer intent but Mikan didn't even flinch. Mikan just leaked her own killer intent out and with in 30 seconds. Natsume was concentrating just to not fall on his knees. Then Natsume just called the match over.

'To have this much killer intent' Natsume thought 'he must have gown thorough hell'

'Did I release too much killer intent' Thought Mikan. 'I don't want to lose another friend…' At this thought Mikan immediately suppressed her aura again.

"Ok, just use pure tai-jutsu."

Mikan and Natsume just faced each other like before. But Natsume could never get a hit in. Mikan's defense was the ultimate defense, and the ultimate offense. He had never seen a style like this before. He ran through the lists of styles he knew but none matched this one. Mikan fought in air, low ground, just on the floor, everywhere.

Natsume was about to block but Mikan's speed just kept increasing and Natsume's stamina was starting to wear thin. Mikan landed a blow towards him. Then Natsume noticed 'he' had weights on. 'Damn… I never thought I'd meet someone better than me' Natsume thought, his pride was hurt.

'Thank goodness I didn't have to be tested on aura control…' or I might have lost control…


	4. Chapter 4: Truth

_**Of Life and Death**_

_**By Smiley Cool Dreamer**_

_**©2007**_

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gakuen Alice**

**Chapter 4: Truth Tuesday September 4****th**** 2007**

Natsume was really surprised. Derek's Standards had been surpassed by far. This man was a prodigy. But what Natsume refused to admit was that this new comer was better than he was. 'I've got to learn that style'. Natsume thought 'But not in winter snow…'

Winter went by quickly. Natsume just spent his days training his men to top condition and started to teach them new things while Derek was watched him do it. Natsume didn't like it. But he just let it slide for the mean time.

Natsume really didn't like Derek, just because his title of best was in danger. But Derek was still as nice and emotionless as ever and it ticked him off so much. But still he held his temper back. But soon it would snap.

_**When spring came…**_

Natsume was in the forest clearing. He was sitting down and meditating. Or more like thinking about what to do about Derek and his style. 'Maybe I should learn it. Yea I'll learn it, that's what I'll do.' Natsume suddenly got up and started to do the bits and pieces of the style that he remembered. To his surprise though, he noticed it was actually bits and pieces of styles he saw. But Natsume knew that there was more to the style. When he was fighting Derek he couldn't even get a hit in. His defense was ultimate. This would take some time. Natsume continued to do what he remembered, until suddenly he heard a voice in his head…

"You know Natsume your doing this all wrong." said the voice in his head. He noticed it was like Derek's voice. And when he opened his eyes Derek was there standing there in front of him.

"You want me to teach you." Derek's voice said. Derek was probing into his mind to speak with him.

"What would you know you blind bastard. I'm not doing anything wrong. And I just want to make this clear. I WAS NOT TRYING TO DO YOUR STYLE!" Natsume whispered in a deadly voice.

Mikan flinched at the aura and air compression patterns she felt. 'Did I do something wrong? ... ' Mikan was worried. She didn't want to upset anyone. She already had a lack of friends but maybe it should stay that way. After all she even didn't know the extent of her powers herself. Mikan just shut up after that and sat leaning on a Sakura tree and 'watched' Natsume practice. Natsume was actually very good. Much better than the average fighter, but she was even better. 'I'll just go back to camp. As long as I'm here he'll practice what he knows. I'll let him experiment…' Mikan thought.

_**That afternoon…**_

Natsume was really tired from practicing. He needed a break so he decided to rest by a Sakura tree. Natsume sat there on the soft grass and looked beyond the cliff that was in front of him and looked at the sunset. Mikan was about to call Natsume back to dinner and being the master battler that Mikan was, she always moved swiftly and silently. But when she saw Natsume by the Sakura tree it reminded her of Oji-san and her sitting at the Sakura tree so silently and peacefully and if Mikan had her mask off, you would have seen a little brush of pink creeping into her cheeks. But she snapped out of that faze and shook her head in an instant and proceeded to do what she was asked.

"Natsume dinner." Mikan said bluntly.

"Ok." Natsume said back. Mikan felt the air waves and waited for Natsume to follow her to camp. But instead she ended up sitting against a Sakura tree with him staring at the sunset.

After About 20 minutes Natsume finally broke the silence. "Derek. I have some questions to ask you."

"Go ahead." Mikan replied.

"How did you do that invisibility thing when we first met? You were pretty good at it too. If I hadn't stretched my senses I probably would have missed it."

"That's none of your business."

"Fine."

"Let's go back. The '2 men' walked back to camp for dinner and as expected they already started dinner. Natsume and Mikan just joined. But at Mikan's entrance people were a little surprised. Maybe it was her attire that made them surprised. But they were sure fast to ask questions about the man. But no one answered because Mikan was just the most mysterious man in the camp.

_**Night…**_

Natsume was taking his time walking deep into the forest and into the hot spring he found a while ago. He hadn't had time to go there for some time due to his busy schedule. But when he arrived he was in for a surprise. A girl was already there.

Mikan was surprised very surprised. 'At least he doesn't know who I am. No one here has ever seen me with out my disguise on before. 'Mikan thought relieved. Mikan was not embarrassed though like most other girls. Mikan was perfectly fine. 'But what will I say when he asks me a question? What will I do when he finds out who I am? Wait he can't find out and he won't.

Natsume just stood looking at the girl like it was nothing. But in reality his heart was thumping like it never had before. It almost gave him a heart attack when he saw the girl signal for him to join her. And when the girl signaled her he was hesitant to go in with a girl. But the girl kept motioning for him to join her. So he did. Natsume took off his clothing and joined her in the Hot springs. Natsume just kept on staring at her figure. He couldn't take his eyes away. That's when Mikan started to hold her hands up to cover her breasts. It was instinctual for her. After all she was just a 15 year old girl in growing. Natsume immediately stared away. But he turned his head back in a moment and looked at her auburn hair, her petit figure, her face, her breasts, Natsume was 15 it was normal. But what Natsume found un normal was all the scars all over her. He was going to ask.

"S-Sorry," Natsume stuttered for the first time in his life. But he got no reply. "Where do you come from? May I ask? There aren't any towns around here you know. I'm just curious." But he still got no reply. "Answer me." Natsume commanded but he still got no answer. "You aren't one of those spies that those Mesopotamians sent over are you little girl?!" Natsume started to yell and pinned Mikan to the soft grass right out side of the hot spring. For the first time Mikan was scarred she obviously knew that she was stronger than Natsume in skill but not in strength. But she desperately tried to keep her emotions neutral in fear that her power would escape and go out of control. She was scared because of the position they were in. But Mikan tried not to be scared and tried to be the same emotionless girl she usually was.

Mikan shook her head abruptly at Natsume's question. "I don't trust you. Speak please and stop making these motions. She shook her head again. But at that Natsume finally realized the situation. The girl couldn't speak. But he didn't really know the rest. At that Natsume let Mikan go and return to the hot spring together.

Mikan couldn't stand it any longer. She didn't want to deal with this guy. But she couldn't leave. If Natsume saw her clothing it would be disastrous. She would be revealed. But she couldn't wait for him to leave. It would be too suspicious. So what was she supposed to do? 'Oh well if Natsume finds out then I can't do anything about it. But I really don't want to do lie to Natsume because lies hurt. I don't want to break anyone's trust for me…But I can't just tell him…' So Mikan just went over to the bushes and grabbed her clothing and dressed up as fast as she could then she ran away to hide. 'I let him see me… I knew it was a mistake…Now he knows, he'll hate me too…'Mikan thought she started to run even faster but it seemed as though she was getting nowhere.

Mikan fell a few times but just got up and kept going, but to her surprise she ended up at the Sakura tree by the cliff. For the first time in years Mikan was crying and the sky decided to cry along with her along with the trees, the animals, the bugs…. The trees were withering, the sky was pouring, the animals seemed to be mourning and the bugs were chirping sad tones. Mikan was crying for the first time in so many years. She had locked those emotions away since a little child but now they were coming back out. 'Why?' Mikan thought. 'Why am I heaving these feelings now? It doesn't make any sense… Why am I so upset with loosing Natsume? He always did hate me anyways.' But just then realization dawned on her. Mikan Sakura realized she was starting to fall in love with the idiot that hated her. She recalled the times she watched him practice, the moments they sat together by the Sakura tree. But most importantly she remembered tonight: The night at the hot springs.

But she quickly realized too that love would never be with her. She was too dangerous, a danger to everyone around her. She was only an over powerful weapon that was never to be created. For all she knew she could destroy the world in one whole blast. As she thought of these horrible possibilities she put her emotions in check once again. Her emotions affected everything around her, even the weather. Mikan returned to her 'normal state' once again. But she wasn't going to return to camp anymore. Mikan was going to camp out here for the night then set out early in the morning and never come back. She would live in an isolated place like before. But next time she wouldn't come out and try to explore the world. Coming out once was a mistake and she wouldn't do it twice.

Natsume was to say at least very surprised. Derek was a GIRL! That was very surprising and very annoying. It made Natsume mad. He I mean she had been living with them for half a year and she lied that whole time. It was frustrating. Natsume ran back to camp in a very bad mood and stomped his way back to bed. It was only 10 but Natsume decided that he was going to bed early to day.

When Hotaru saw Natsume in such a bad mood she immediately went to her cousin's camp to see what was bothering him.

"What's wrong Natsume?"

"Why don't you tell me what's wrong!? Hun Hotaru?!"

"Why didn't you tell me He was a SHE?"

Hotaru stepped back. She wasn't expecting this. Mikan had revealed herself.

"I'm sorry Natsume. But it had to be done." Hotaru said in and icy tone. "Have you figured out why she needed to disguise her gender? Have you thought about HER feelings at ALL? She isn't just the solid stone girl you think she is and frankly she need support. You don't know her past and how hard she's had it at all!" Hotaru retorted back.

"Well how was I supposed to know that she was a GIRL? How was I supposed to know she had a hard past if she didn't even tell me?! I didn't even know and getting lied to from him frankly doesn't bother me at all! She deserves this treatment. She deserves to die!"

"Well obviously it does if your making such a big deal of it right now. But where is she right now. If you don't care, as her best friend and her only friend I do care! For all I know a great person and a best friend is going to leave me tonight. "

"She ran off. Go find that bitch if you want." Natsume said in a low dark tone.

Hotaru just slapped Natsume hard on the face. She wasn't going to put up with Natsume any longer "Don't you ever talk bad of Mikan again. And frankly I didn't like your attitude these passing days. Ever since Mikan came, all you've been is a bastard. You were so blinded you didn't even see her pain! You didn't see her trying to be nice with you even when you yelled at her and embarrassed her. She was always holding back her power she could save you some SHAME! Think about this Natsume." Hotaru replied coldly.

Hotaru went outside swiftly and started to run in the muddy path in the forest to find Mikan but after a while she still couldn't find her. Hotaru though had no thoughts of giving up on her best friend. And she kept searching.

An hour later Natsume got up and started to put on clothing. His annoying conscience was bothering him and he finally let out all the hot air. He didn't know why but he had a gut feeling that if he didn't retrieve the annoying girl things somehow wouldn't work out.


	5. Chapter 5: Stories

_**Of Life and Death**_

_**By Smiley Cool Dreamer**_

_**©2008**_

**Authors Note: This is my first Gakuen Alice fan-fiction so sorry if the characters are a little OOC. I will be doing revisions on the chapters from before. I will add stuff a little here and there. But if I do any major changes, I will tell you.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gakuen Alice**

**Chapter 5: Stories Wednesday, January 9****th**** 2008**

The next day, when Natsume arrived, he found the most peculiar thing: a large hot spring with lots of different types of trees around it. The weirdest thing was that even though it was winter here. It didn't feel like it at all and unlike reality, there seemed to be four seasons going on at a time.

Natsume walked around the perimeter of the summer patch of the area, but as soon as he stepped into the normal outside, it became cold again. 'Weird.' thought Natsume. 'This must have been the work of him.'

Mikan arrived only to find Natsume there. 'Oh well, guess I was a little late.' Mikan had wanted to do the welcoming ceremony herself. "Hey Huuga," Mikan called him using her telepathy.

"So you're finally here, how about we start discussing you Derek." Natsume started. 'Damn it's weird talking to a person who _doesn't respond.'_

Mikan and Natsume sat on by the Sakura tree in the spring part of the hot spring area. Natsume sat on the grass against the tree trunk. On leg stretched out and one leg bent. His hands were on either sides of him. He was relaxing after many years of training and battling with his army. Mikan sat on the branch directly above him. The branch was pretty thick so there was no worry of falling. Mikan was sat in the same position as Natsume. The leaves of the Sakura tree provided shade. It really felt like spring.

"Fine," Mikan began. "What do you want me to start with?"

"Anything would be good actually. How about you tell me about your family background?"

"Don't have a family."

"You're lying. You have a family, everyone does. Even if it's really messed up."

"Fine," Mikan replied.

Natsume was good at indulging information. He just kept persisting. But Mikan was good too. Unfortunately she had promised that if she was to join the army she, had to do this. So she couldn't avoid anything.

"My mother, she was a rich lady, an owner of a large estate. My father, he was a government leader."

"I want more from you."

Mikan sighed heavily. On truth she was a little scared to tell this stuff to anyone. The only person she had ever told it too was Hotaru. But that was different since she was Mikan's best friend.

"Ok." Mikan heaved another huge sigh. She was beginning to regret joining this army. She didn't want to talk about her past. It was bitter, very bitter. Nobody would want a past like hers. "My mother and father, being rich as you know them, owned many houses and many lands. One piece they owned was the piece of land my town lived on. I lived in a mansion there; a very luxurious one in fact. The rest of the town lived in decent houses. I would say middle classed. My town was one of the wealthiest towns in Japan at that time."

"What do you mean was?" Natsume was curious.

"My town was burned down, but that comes later."

"But even though I lived in a mansion, my life wasn't the life of a wealthy girl. I thought at that time, I was the most un-luckiest girl in the world. Maybe I was. Who knows?"

"Girl? What the hell! Did you forget your gender you idiot?!" Natsume yelled, after hearing what he heard in his head.

"Just shut up. OK? Let me tell you the story."

"I was abused." Mikan hated telling this part the most. "My mother and father hated me. I found out why later. My parents gave me life so I could be a slave…" 'I have to keep my emotions in check. I don't want destruction to befall on the world.' Mikan thought. "My parents whipped me, threw knives at me. I was lucky I didn't die. But after multiple beatings I soon lost almost all of my senses. This was when I began developing an Alice. An Alice is a special power granted to mortals like us. It's in our bodies. I don't know how you get it, but I really want to get rid of it. I hate my Alice." Mikan's past flashed through her mind.

_Flashback:_

"_You lump of trash!!! You dare ask us for presents? We already feed you and give you food. Isn't that enough you dirty slave? You greedy despicable child!!! And don't you ever call us your parents!!! I don't want such a monstrous child" Yuka yelled in a shrill voice enough to make the lord of hell shiver "Azuka! Take the whip now! I want you to whip her until she dies! I hate this child! Azuka grinned in excitement._

_"In your honor my dearest…" He smiled evilly._

_"I hate you guys….I wish you would all go away…" Mikan whispered._

_Flashback two:_

"_Mikan… take care of yourself… I know you didn't kill me on purpose. You're a wonderful child…keep living….keep living…" Mikan watched Tezuka die. She watched the old man writhing in pain, trying to desperately evade the unavoidable death to come. Mikan couldn't imagine the pain he had to go through. Even though she was abused as a child, it wasn't that bad, right? Mikan could tell. The old man still wanted to spend some more time on earth; he still wanted to live the rest of his life. But unfortunately, she had taken that dream away from him forever. _

_She tried everything in her power to save the old man. But she wasn't strong enough. She failed._

"_Oji-san…?" Mikan was sobbing. Her face was red and blotchy. Her eyes were blurred with salty water. "Oji-san…?!" Mikan continued to cry. "No!!! Don't die!!! I didn't mean to!!!! Stop!!!! Why does everyone have to leave me !!!!?" Mikan broke down. "Why does everyone hate me…?" Mikan said this softly, chocking the words through her sobs._

By now Mikan's tears were slowly seeping out of her eyes unsuspectingly. They trailed down her cheeks and through her half black half white mask. The moment was dead silent. The tear drop made its way down to Natsume and on to his hand. Even the blind can cry.

Natsume's visage was even more serious than what it usually was. There was a tint of sadness, though barely detectable on his face. 'I wonder; what it would be like to go though this guy's life?' The guy that Natsume had hated most, had turned into more of a friend now, than enemy.

"Hey Derek, what's your Alice?" Natsume said that to lighten the mood. Derek seemed to be having a hard time telling his story. Natsume wanted to make it easier. It was one of the few times in his life that he actually did something nice.

"Infinity," Mikan replied with telepathy. Natsume knew what that was with out even having her telling him. Mikan had the Alice of infinity, which meant that she could do what ever she wanted with that her Alice. 'So that's how she made this environment. (Natsume is referring to the seasonal hot spring.)' Natsume thought. He had been wondering from the moment he entered the hot spring area. After all, this place was one of a kind.

"One day I went outside, I accidentally used my Alice, I didn't even know what it was back then or that I had an Alice either. With my Alice I set a small fire. But my fire was different. It couldn't be put out by normal water. It had to be Alice water. So the town burnt down. Luckily it was a small fire and it burnt slowly across town. Families quickly evacuated, taking their belongings, their horses and carts, the women and children, their loyal animals. Well everyone did that, except my family. My mother and father left me behind in the crimson flames. I somehow managed to survive once again with my luck." Mikan continued her story while Natsume listened carefully from below. "What I found out years later was that I actually saved the town from death." Only a few hours after the town burnt down, an army arrived. The army was originally going to capture the town and kill everyone in it. But they had already left because of the fire I caused. That was one fact I found out that surprised the hell out of me. To think I actually saved those bastards. When I survived the fire, I went out to live on my own. Being an abused child I had learned to fend for myself long ago. So surviving on my own was not too hard. That was when I decided to become a boy."

Natsume was shocked. 'So Derek is a GIRL?!!!'


	6. Chapter 6: Leaving

_**Of Life and Death**_

_**By Smiley Cool Dreamer**_

_**©2008**_

**Authors Note: LOL, ok, I've been trying to figure out, how do you spell Huga? Please tell me. Oh yea when ever Mikan speaks, its telepathy, I don't need to say it every time. My story would be like too repetitive if I did that.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gakuen Alice**

**Chapter 6: Leaving Thursday, January 10, 2008**

"Hey Huga, you seem shocked." Mikan was smirking under her Mask.

"Hn." Natsume, never in his life would admit he was shocked. "I wasn't expecting you to be a girl. But now that I know, I could kick you out anytime. Girls _are not_ allowed to be in the army."

Girls were looked down upon if the joined the army. In fact, girls weren't allowed to join the army. Hotaru was one exception. She had blackmailed her way in. With her genius mind made for blackmailing, she got everything she wanted. There was even a rumor that the only reason Ruka was Hotaru's boyfriend was that he was blackmailed into it.

Mikan jumped down from the Sakura tree. And stood by the trunk while Natsume walked away to face her.

"You can't. I'm stronger than you." Natsume had nothing to say at that comment. She had beaten him fair in square and there was no denying that. His pride was hurt. He was beat by a girl. A GIRL!!! Natsume was going to get revenge, sweet revenge. She hurt his pride, so he would do the same to her.

"Hey what's your name than. And I mean your real name."

"Mikan Sakura."

"Sakura…" Natsume was walking closer and closer to Mikan. Mikan having never been in a situation like this before did not know how to react. She had been isolated most of her life anyways. After a few more steps, Mikan started to get nervous. Her perfectly built walls around her heart were starting to shatter.

"Huga, what are you doing?" Mikan said through her telepathy. She was getting nervous. Natsume just ignored her. He kept advancing at Mikan. Mikan took a few steps back. But she ended up against the tree "Stop, ok? I'm serious. I don't want to hurt you. But Natsume didn't listen. Mikan was doing everything in her power to calm herself down. Finally Natsume had gotten to her. Mikan was pinned against the Sakura tree. Natsume through her down on the floor and pinned her down on the floor. Mikan was as calm as ever unlike a normal girl in this situation. But still she couldn't counter this. Against martial arts, she could defend. But this was not martial arts. It was something else, and Mikan didn't know what it was.

As Natsume advanced at Mikan he thought 'I wonder how this girl looks like underneath. (A/N: LOL, Natsume's perversion)' At Natsume's home town, he could get any girl he wanted. He was pretty and cool. He was every girl's dream boyfriend. But he never dated a girl for longer than a week. And never went further than holding hands.

Mikan's arms were pinned on either side of her. Natsume was on top of her so that her legs were in between his. Natsume had pressed a few pressure points on her so that her strength drained away. Natsume knew full well how dangerous Mikan could be when she was at full power. With out strength Mikan could not activate her Alices or fight with strength.

'Oh no… I can't fight my way out of this one.' Mikan thought.

"Tonight little girl, when you go to sleep, dress up as a normal girl and not as some stupid cross dresser." Natsume stated.

"No. I'm moving out of your tent anyways. And I'm _NOT_ coming back." Mikan didn't trust Natsume now that he knew she was a girl. Mikan broke out of Natsume's hold as soon as her strength came back and left Natsume there; as soon as she left, all the unnatural seasons and hot-springs disappeared as if nothing was ever there. Mikan left quickly.

Miles away from camp, a huge mansion was built instantaneously. A dark figure walked into the Mansion and started to make furniture with what seems to be magical powers. The figure stepped in to the bed she made, using a metal that humans did not know of at that time and expensive pretty cloth decorated with strawberries. The figure lied in bed, unable to sleep, dreaming of nightmares if earth to come.

**A/N: This was a little something I wrote in Mikan's perspective, well that is if she was god. It's very VERY dark so if you hate depressing stuff don't read it. Oh yea sorry, the chapter's a little short. Also this poem type thing is in relation to the story.**

Life in darkness

I don't like it here

It's so lonely

So dark

So scary

I want light

Why won't the light reach me?

I see it.

But it drifts

Farther

And farther

Away

Every second

Of the day

When will I see light?

I work very hard to try to get it.

Can you give it to me?

I reach out for it

But it seems to run away.

I hope I can see it sometime in my life.

Will I go to hell?

Please answer me?

Someone?!

Help…

My life

It's horrifying

I want to escape

Really

Why won't anyone believe me

I can't die.

I tried suicide already

It doesn't work.

When someone else killed me

Less than a second later

I was revived.

I think I'm God now

I thought God was supposed to be

The

Happiest

Living

Being

Ever

That

Lived

Apparently not though

I guess I'm still young and I don't know

But

Why am I God

Why couldn't I just be another normal child.

I hate my life.

I Hate Living.

Go Away.

I called for help

You didn't come

Now my life is a mess

You can't fix it

I know you can't

Because

I'm

GOD

But it wasn't your fault

I think it's the way of life

It's normal

So maybe if I help everyone

Make their lives better

Give them Joy

My life will be happy too.

Signed

GOD


End file.
